I heard we made out
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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