6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
