I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
