I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if only i could text you this smell
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
