Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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