I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
