she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize