new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
