i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
