Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
