In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
