I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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