She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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