i'm signing you up for texting rehab
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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