stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
