you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
