Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
