What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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