I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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