it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
