Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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