We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
