i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I want is dick and wine.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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