I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
