First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
