I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
