Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
