i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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