Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
