hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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