why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
