This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
