it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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