I think i peed on brittanys purse
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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