One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
