I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
