He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
