Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
