She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
