she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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