She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
