i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
