she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
is it fun? or sober?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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