apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
