It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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