what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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