I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
