I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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