I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
