If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
