you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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