He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
