He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
