You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
