The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
