May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
