brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
