god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
