i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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