i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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