you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
