don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
