I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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