You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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