I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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