We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
